Bladder Defect

Yesterday I went to the doctor (OB). I have not been since I had Olivia--so almost 3 years. I know--shame on me. Anyway I had to find a new doctor and it was a little nerve racking but I finally managed to find one. I went in and of course he had to go over all of my history and all the problems I feel that I am having since I am a new patient. He asked if I had any trouble with leaking of my bladder and as you all know--yes I do. Lately it has been getting worse so I was a little nervous about it. When he "checked" me, he could literally touch my bladder with his finger. He told me that I have a pretty sever bladder defect and that the only way to fix it will be surgery. My bladder has "slipped" with each child making it worse every time I have a baby. I have to make a VERY BIG decision now that will affect me for the rest of my life. In order to have the surgery I have to be done having children. This is HUGE for me. I am really in turmoil over it. I know that Matt is done, but it is always harder for the woman (at least I think). Needless to say last night was a pretty sleepless one for me. I am SCARED TO DEATH of surgery. I have never had to be in the hospital other than having my children. I really just don't know what to do. I am scared and very upset. Maybe I will have to go to the temple and do some serious soul searching.