I am going to take a hiatus from the blog world. I am dealing with some inner turmoil right now and I am finding that all I want to do is sleep. While I can't sleep while on mom duty I think that I will take that time to read scriptures and do some soul searching. I need to find the peace that I am so desperate for. While I will miss each and every one of you and your blogs--I really need to do this for myself.
I am still having surgery and it will be sometime this month. I know that several people have asked what the surgery is for so I will explain. I have a severe bladder defect. This means that my bladder has slipped down and I have no control. I have been living like this for over 1 year now and it has become unbearable. The problem I had with going through with the surgery is they have to remove my uterus as well. That means that I can't have any more children. This was a very hard decision for me to make and I hate to say that I am still struggling with it. I am still going through with the surgery because I will have a better quality of life--I get that. It's just all of the emotional baggage that goes along with it that I am struggling with.
I don't know how long I will be gone--I just can't say. I will try and keep you all posted on the surgery stuff though. I may read and stalk you at some point but who knows. I am just going to wing it. Peace out (that one was for you Julie)!!
59 comments:
Jillene, take all the time you need! Take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you.
I hope you can still come to the meet and greet. I'd love to see you again, but I completely understand if you can't.
Awww, Jillene, I am really going to miss you!!! You are the one person I can count on for a comment. LOL
I totally understand that you need this time to yourself! I definately understand where you are coming from...I hope you find some peace with your struggles!! Looking forward to when you join us again!
((((HUGS)))))
And please do keep us posted about your surgery...you'll be in my prayers! (-:
Oh Jillene! I will miss you so much. Please take really good care of yourself and hurry back. I hope you will be able to let us know how the surgery goes. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
Big hugs {{{{{{{{{Jillene}}}}}}}}
Good luck! I can't think of anything else to say. I'm out of works. So good luck again! You'll do great, I'm sure!
Peace, foo!
I wish that there was anything I could say that would make you feel better, but I'm not sure there is. It is nice to know that someone out there understands how you feel, and I want you to know that I understand some of what you're feeling. I know this has been hard for you, and I appreciate you sharing your experiences with me when I have had bad days. Thank you for your friendship. I'm so, so sorry you have to go through this difficult trial. I think it is great that you are taking the time that you need for yourself. The one thing that helped me through all of my trials was knowing that the Savior knew exactly the pain that I was feeling because he felt it. He understands. He loves you. We do, too. Good luck with the surgery and may you find the peace that you are searching for. I will be praying for you.
I think its great that you are doing this for yourself. You will be missed, but we will be here when you get back...so take your time!
I will be thinking of you! Know that we are all here for you if you need any of us!
Of course - you need to do whatever you can to take care of yourself! We will miss you, and I know I will be thinking about you.
OH sweetie! I am so so sorry about this. You take as long as you need. I will support you the best I can, and if you need to talk in real time, I would glad to meet up with anywhere so I can hug you and listen. Or call me on the phone. You are an amazing person and I commend you on listening to yourself and doing what you need to heal. HUGS!
I'm sorry you have to make that kind of decision. I hope that the surgery goes well and you make peace with it. I will be praying for you and your family to help you get through this tough time. Hope to hear back from you soon! **HUGS**
I will be thinking of you! I hope all goes well
Liz
take the all the time you need. it is best for you.
will be in my prayers. i had to make the same kind of decision you are having to make. i was very young. i have three wonderful children.
i was given the confirmation that i was doing the thing that was best for me.
i know you will find your peace.
Oh sweetie!
While I have thoroughly enjoyed your blog, and will MISS IT terribly, this is good for you. Take time for you-- I do not begin to think I know what you are feeling! We will be here when you get back. If you come back.
I wish you love and peace and joy until then!
Oh Jillene, I'm so sorry. I knew you have said you couldn't have anymore kids, I just didn't know why. Thank Heavens you have three little blessings (or terrors;). Take a break, I think we all need it at some point (I'm on my 3rd month of one). We will miss you in the mean time. You'll be in my prayers. Email me if you want to chat, and I hope to get updated every once in a while :) I'm trying to post at least once a week... but even that is hard.
Jillene,
I love you and please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I hear your pain over your decision, and I hope you are able to find some peace. Please take your time and when you are ready we will be here waiting for you.
Love, Pam
Jillene, please please PLEASE be careful with surgery for your bladder.
Make sure to do all your research and ask your doctor all of your questions.
Because of a surgery my mom had for her cancer 12 years ago, her bladder fell a couple years ago.
She had a sling put in, and the sling failed. So now she's going through a lot of trouble trying to get it fixed. Suing the doctor and the manufacturer.
The reason I tell you this isn't to scare you, obviously. I just want you to be careful and not have to go through the hell my mom is going through to this day.
Be safe and be well!
May peace be with you, honey. Hope you come back to us.
Not that this will be a whole lot of help, but my mom and aunt both had the surgery and are so much happier with themselves than they ever were before.
If there is anything we can do let us know!
I will be praying for you, Jillene. This can't be easy and I know if you're stepping away like this and posting that you're doing so, it's serious. I will miss you a lot but I'll be here now and when you come back. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Luv you, Jillene!
You will be missed! I hope everything goes well with your surgery and recovery!
hugs, thoughts and prayers for you. That is such a difficult thing to go through. I hope that you find peace through the Savior.
Jillene, you are the most amazing person:) I will miss you dearly! Know that I will keep you in my daily prayers and am here for you if you need me:)
Hugs and Blessings,
dawn
Jillene,
I know I am not in the same situation as you, not having had children before my surgery but the feelings were the same. I TOTALLY GET WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I did alot of praying and got alot of counseling from my wonderful Bishop/2nd father Gary Clark and a psychotherapist. I felt for so long that the surgery would be a death sentence as far as ever getting married goes ( dumb I know)and I wasnt going to be worth much to anyone. Think about the wonderful children and nieces you have and the influence you can be on so many lives if you have a better quality of life. I PROMISE you you will feel soooo much better and wonder why you waited so long.
I have something for you that isnt quite done yet and want you to make sure and let me know when your surgery is so I can keep you in my prayers. Love ya tons!!! call me if you need anything.
I will keep you in my prayers. Good luck with everything! You will be missed!!
Good luck with everything! My mom and two of my aunts had that surgery and all went well. It is a very difficult decision to make. I hope all works out and that you can recover quickly. Take care!
What an incredibly difficult decision. My thoughts and prayers are with you! We'll all miss you, but you take all the time you need. ((hugs))
You, your writing, and your wonderful comments will be missed, Jillene, but blogging is something that you can pick up again whenever you are ready. Right now, the focus needs to be on both your mental and physical health.
Take all the time you need. Sleep, be with your lovely family, heal.
We will all be thinking of you!
-Francesca
jillene,
i wish you all the best. you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Jillene!! ((HUGS)) You need time to just proccess and free to deal with your thoughts and feelings. There is no shame in that. I get the bladder thing, my Mom had surgery and kind of had...well a hammock almost put inside. But I am sorry about the other things it is forcing you to give up, and you will be missed. Hugs are really good when you are in turmoil, hug your kids a lot!
Please give yourself lots of time to recover from this surgery, it is not an easy one. Remember, with parenting (as with many things) it is QUALITY not QUANTITY...you can focus on the children you have now and fully give them what they want and need.
My blogging has slowed down, I only read blogs one or two times a week instead of five times a day- I just need to focus on my life! I still enjoy it, but love the freedom I have given myself. On Weds I slept until 10:30.... I think the winter is getting to me, and can't wait for some warm days.
Please e-mail me anytime or leave me a message if you need to connect. I am so glad I can call you a friend- even if it is in blog land! E-mail me your phone numbers so I can call and check on you!
Jillene, Dont feel badly about your many many blog friends. We all love you and understand that you need to do this. Your health and peace of mind are more important.
I wish you all the best! I have a friend who just had this surgery last month and she is SOOOOOO happy that she went through with it. She is feeling better both mentally and physically!
Best wishes to you!
Marie
I just came back from my blog break, now you are leaving me!!
I hope you feel better soon, good luck on your surgery, yuck!
Miss ya
I will keep you in my prayers! I understand about needing a break - from EVERYTHING. I'm just about there myself.
I had a major bladder surgery in 2004 and understand what you are going through! Since having the surgery, I have been able to get totally back to normal (something I thought would never happen). I hope it will all turn out well. Take care of yourself!
understanable...Girl.
You will be missed.
Take care of yourself!!!!
We'll all be here when you get back.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Prayers for you. For peace somehow.
Heather
Jillene, I am so glad that I came by you today. I have heard of these problems with the bladder, and the surgery that goes with it. My sister in law went through it, and even though she was done having children losing the ability to nearly killed her emotionally. I too have the need to have mine removed, and I fight it all the time, hence, the depression and such that I have been suffering. I know I can't have more kids, but I hate the thought of NOT being able to. Most people don't get it. I guess I don't either. For myself I just sleep a lot, and have avoided blogging. But tonight I had the thought to see a few blog friends about some smiles. And I have grown miles just reading your wrenching post. I love your blog, I love your comments when you come to mine. You are amazing Woman, and I guess that means I love you too. I hope and will be praying that things pick up for you in the emotional area, sleep when you can, soul search all you want. I will check in from time to time. Thanks for letting us know. I had surgery two weeks ago, haven't been out commenting and have really avoided blogging anything personal because everything I type comes out wrong or pathetic. So, cheers to you. Love and hugs, and prayers. ♥
Jillene take care of yourself! I will miss hearing from you & hearing from you hope you will keep us all updated! I will keep ya in my prayers & hope you find what your looking for :)
Im going to miss you--take care of yourself and get well soon
I wish you all the best Jillene! You are such an amazing person and are such a good and loyal blog friend! Take all the time you need and may the Lord bless you always!
I am sorry to hear this. But you need to do whats best for you and your health. Take it as vacation time. Keep us posted though. I will sure miss your comments and updates on your little ones. Hope you're not out for long. Take care of yourself and your family. I'll be praying for you and your family as well. I will miss you!
I'll miss you. Hope everything goes well.
Can I bring you some brownies?
Take care and sending lots of positive thoughts your way.
I have not had a chance to get over here until now. I'm sorry you are having struggles. You are in my prayers.
Thanks for reading my blog. I enjoy yours. I have a valentine for you on my blog. Happy Valentines Day. Thanks for being my bloggie friend. ♥
Jillene...You will be in our thoughts and prayers. Hugs♥
Jillene,
What a difficult decision to make. You will be in my prayers. I hope you find the peace you are looking for. We are here waiting for your return.
~mb
I hope you feel better and that the operation will be sucessful! I know all aout inner turmoil and if you need time, I am glad you have the possibility to take it. All the best to you!
Jilline~ Oh... I know how difficult a decision that was. I really do. Peace and healing to you.
hey jillene- i am so sorry! i had my uterus removed at age 26. i just always focus on the bright side- no more periods! let's fac eit- periods are such a hassle, right? we don't have to deal with the anymore.
Know that you will be missed! I am so sorry you are having to go through this! What a tough thing.
Hugs!
(((hugs)))
I hope all goes well, and the break is good for you and your family:)
Come back to us all rested up ok?!? Good Luck!
That is definitely a lot to deal with. Take your time, and know that we are all sending our bloggy love your way!!!!
Get some rest!
Jillene
Please know that my thoughts are with you and that I am so sorry you are going thru this. For some reason this year has been hard on a lot of people, including me! I wish I could make you better. (I know that sounds silly, but I hate too see people go through things that scare them). I am scared too, but we will all come out of this.
I'm sorry to hear about not only having surgery but the fact that you will have your uterus removed too. This must be very sobering and sad. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I pray the surgery will go well. I read Kristina's remarks...Did you go to the lunch Saturday? I was there.
I was told after the birth of my 4th child that I would have no more children. Each one of my pregnancies have been high risk but I really bit the bullet on the last baby. I was in ICU for a week and it took a little over a year to recover. It was not good.
Our last was a boy. I knew I would have one more son, so I was prepared to not have anymore when I found out he was a boy. My pregnancy was cut short, i didn't get to savor each month. I delivered at 6 months. I could not nurse my baby because of the intense meds I was on. That broke my heart. I knew it was the last I wanted to savor everything.
I had to have a hysterectomy. that left me feeling less of a woman. It was odd. what was the sense of procreating when I couldn't?? and then a bladder sling.
However, HF granted me after the surgery I felt amazing. Better than I had in years. I had so much energy and was happy my emotions leveled. Now, I can have fun and enjoy and not worry about having a baby and camp and go anywhere without ever worrying about one time of the month it is.
I love it!! I had the european bladder sling done at the same time my hysterectomy was done and it has been the best easiest procedure after. I did get a UTI but was quickly put on meds for it.
Good luck, be prayerful but you will be ok. I understand the loss and the thought of having no more children. I wanted at least six and I would have probably died trying for six but the answer was clear that 4, was good for us.
just found you through a friend of a friend of a friend - and have said a prayer for you today. hoping you're recovery continues to go well - i also have this same issue and facing the same surgery decision - ama bit older with children out of the house, but still a difficult one to make...praying you will continue to have peace with it all - J
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